Recurring memory: I am 13 years old in theater classes at the prestigious Empire State Youth Theater Institute. I LOVED this program. (I always thought I was going to be an actress when I grew up). I took the city bus to downtown Albany, NY and went to class in the theater on the capital concourse known as the “Egg” every Saturday morning. We were required to take dance in the morning. It didn’t matter that I was told for most of my life that Grace was not my middle name. Our dance instructor is Ka-ren, not Karen. She was from England, spoke with a British accent and was a fierce ballerina.
Karen, although beautiful could be extremely cruel. When at the barre, if my stomach was sticking out, should would flick it, never explaining that if I held my core (or taking the time to explain to me what my core was) my posture would be better. I was already conscious about my “pooch” as I was a sensitive teen. But the most vivid memory I have is of practicing a routine. I loved to be in the front row (can you imagine?). I was never any good at memorizing the dance numbers we did but if I could follow someone, I was great! A new girl had been in the class a few weeks. She had a dance background and I LOVED following her. She was talented at dance the way I was at theater. Then one day in the middle of a routine, Ka-ren singled me out in front of the entire class and made me do it by myself. I couldn’t do it. I was humiliated and I never wanted to be in the front row again and then I never wanted to dance in a class again. I dropped out of the Institute and I don’t think I ever took a group dance class again.
I found out a few years after that Karen had killed herself. I wasn’t happy to hear that although she caused me so much pain and humiliation.
My younger sister took dance most of her youth and I think she even takes adult classes to this day. I found my physical self-expression in gymnastics and later in cycling and in personal training. Bottom line, I became an athlete and saved my dancing for the dance floor at a club.
Every year Authentic Beauty helps EDIN (Eating Disorders Information Network) with their Celebrity Dance Challenge, a fundraising event for their important organization very much like Dancing With the Stars. It is awesome to watch all the local celebrities give it their all and become dancers. Some better than others, but ALL having fun and dancing passionately. I thought “good for them”. I will NEVER do that. I enjoy my support roll doing makeup BACKSTAGE.
I attended a luncheon with Lisbeth Rhine, Edin’s administrator in January who looked at me and said, “You should dance this year”. I laughed at her and DID NOT take her seriously. A few months later again, “Be a dancer” and then finally one last request this summer. I guess they really are serious.
FIRST….I am NOT celebrity enough to do this.
TWO I have not danced (formally) since I was 13.
THREE, even though I WAS an athlete (another blog) I am NOT now
FOUR, how can I find the time……
And then I found myself saying yes. I will give you the reasons why:
ONE: Do you remember the quote about doing something once a year that scares you? This SCARES me. I can jump out of planes, go over 55mph on a bicycle downhill, open a business in a BAD economy, attend a course called Enlightened Warrior, but ask me to dance on stage….FORGET IT! So I thought about really understanding and knowing the power that comes from breaking through personal and physical limitations this has both for me.
TWO: EDIN is my sister non-profit. I visited them when I first launched Authentic Beauty and the administrator at the time listened to what I had to say and said, “Just wanted to make sure you aren’t LIPSTICK EMPOWERMENT”. I think I am to a certain degree lol. EDIN informs girls about the danger of obsessing over their bodies and give strategies and information to our girls so that they can make healthy choices, in addition to giving all kinds of support and information to anyone who is dealing with an eating disorder. Project Authentic Beauty’s Director ( AB’s non-profit initiative), Alison Cross has over 15 years of experience with Eating Disorders. She designed our Body, Beauty and Bravery seminar and PAB to empower girls and women to feel beautiful from the inside out. EDIN is our sister organization in having that mission become a reality.
THREE: I needed a PERSONAL goal. I have business goals up the wazoo. If you all didn’t know I was a personal trainer for over 10 years, I was a competitive cyclist for 8. I have the Olympic Motto tattooed on my ankle (citius, altius, fortius). I was/am out of shape. I know myself that in having a goal I will transform myself…..
FOUR: I wanted to inspire those of you out there who know how busy I am with the business, my clients, the events, my family (two teens and a husband) that you can do something like this if you commit. It is all about the commitment and taking action.
I will talk in the next blog about what my history was as an athlete, a personal trainer, AFTER delivering a 10 pound baby and weighing 210 pounds at the time of delivery. AND now current state of CEO and business owner and not having the time to exercise consistently…….and having gained 25 POUNDS since giving up personal training and starting AB 5 years ago!!!!!
I will show you pictures and tell the story! STAY TUNED…. I will also tell you how I am getting in shape and becoming fit at 43 in preparation for this dance. I will share about my rehearsals with my amazing partner Jeffrey Scott Bailey.
I have already discovered MANY MANY MANY resources in this journey already.
Looking forward to sharing this with you all.
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