My daughter, Quinn, turns 22 today, so I thought there’s no time like the present to talk about children.
When I look in the mirror, I don’t see someone who has a 22-year-old (my son is nearly 24, and I certainly don’t see that). I have a LOT of friends who still have teenagers and a few who have younger children too. In this day and age anything goes, and there are benefits to having kids at both ends of the age spectrum. When you’re 25 with kids you might have more energy (debatable), but when you’re 35 you typically have more money and a better sense of your Self. You also probably have had a chance to go out and explore the world before giving up your private time for the higher purpose of raising kids.
I watched most of my friends go out to party, travel and have adventures while I was changing diapers, attending school assemblies and watching baseball games. Now, a lot of those friends are watching me as I’m getting to do things I always wanted while they’re carpooling and wondering how they’ll ever make it through the day to get some rest.
I never thought I would have kids, but having them has been the greatest adventure of my life. It’s also been the toughest thing I’ve ever done. Not only did I have two kids just two years apart, but I didn’t always have the financial resources that allowed me to provide the things I wanted for them when we were all younger. Somehow, though, we managed, which has made this new phase ever so sweet. Everything I learned about management— time, people, even myself— came from raising kids.
Through it all, I did the best I could with what I had, and I’m sure you are too. Here’s hoping the day will come when your kids will recognize that.
That is what I think is extraordinary. You start off being a parent thinking you’ll be so much better than your parents. “I’m not going to do ‘x’ like my parents did.” Then, there you are catching yourself saying and doing the exact things you swore you would never say or do!
Eventually, I came to the realization my kids are on their own journey just as I am. As their parent and the one who brought them into the world, I’ve done my best to equip them with as many tools as I can to get through this thing called life.
As I mother, I believe my job is to support my kids in finding their path, in finding their passions, in caring about the world around them and in being self-sufficient so they can take care of themselves in this crazy and sometimes cruel world. My main concern was always to make sure they were good human beings. And I have done that. My greatest accomplishment is that they are good people
As they are getting ready to fly on their own I often ask myself, “Have I done enough? Have I given them enough?” Is it enough for them to go out on their own and have a life they love? Can they love and be loved? Can they forgive? Can they heal their hurts and learn from their mistakes? Can they make a living to support the lifestyles they want to live? Do they feel like global citizens so they can always think of the world around them?
Have I been a good role model?
SO many questions!
I can tell you that I’ve enjoyed lots of stages in being a mom. I LOVED the stage before school. I heard once that having little kids helps you to remember how to play. And boy did we! We played dress up and sang and watched Barney. There was cowboy camp and tea parties and Disney. And then there was middle and high school. I started Authentic Beauty when I was turning 40. The kids were in middle and high school. Quinn was mad at me for a long time, as I took time away to start a business.
Starting Authentic Beauty stemmed from the bold decision that seeing one client at a time was not going to give me the life I wanted for my kids. I also realized I had something way bigger to contribute than being stuck in a basement in an athletic club (my first makeup studio was in the basement of Olde Towne Athletic Club, and it could barely fit two people in it). I had to grow to disrupt our life.
Making a decision to disrupt your family and your kids is a hard one— the hardest thing I’ve ever done in fact. This is because you’re not just effecting yourself… you’re responsible for the little beings to whom you gave life. We struggled for many years as I launched Authentic Beauty— both financially and emotionally. The kids weren’t able to do the things a lot of their friends were doing. They had to sacrifice with me.
What they got to see (at least I hope they do now) is how hard I worked and how much I had to overcome and persevere in order to make my dream come true. They had to see my fear and my heartbreak and my sheer exhaustion. But, they also saw the wins! They saw a physical space come to life. They saw me on TV and in magazines. And got to hear their friends say they saw me in the media too.
As I look back on this journey of motherhood, my heart is so full. And, as I look forward I’m even more excited!
Here is the thing no one tells you— it gets EVEN BETTER as they get older!
I’ve been fortunate to learn from so many older and wiser women who have gone before me. Everyone seems to talk about motherhood as only comprising the ages of birth through 18. Then your child graduates, becomes an adult and goes off into the world. Then, suddenly, you get to be a grandma.
Well, I’m here to tell you this age might be my favorite. WHY? Because you get to share the world through ADULT EYES!!! Your adult children can have cocktails with you, and you can talk about the world. All of a sudden, this being you’ve known since birth is an adult seeing the world with new eyes. You get to share that with them!
I’ve gotten to travel abroad with both my kids, and the joy I received from doing that will forever make me smile from the depths of my soul.
The message here for moms with younger kids (and there are a whole lot more of you my age with that reality)— IT GETS BETTER! You’ll have your mom journey (however you choose to do it), but know that just as every year past 40 has gotten sweeter and richer and better so does the experience of being a mom.
Honor your path.
PS, I’ll be writing at some point about the dynamics between mothers and daughters, so stay tuned. 
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